If you have an easy child, a lot of experience, a good support network, financial security, a loving family, good . . . → Read More: Feeling Competent as a Mom]]> I have rarely met a mother who didn’t love and care for her child. Almost every parent I have seen is doing the best they can. For some Moms that is easier than others.

If you have an easy child, a lot of experience, a good support network, financial security, a loving family, good rest, etc., it should be easy.

In the real world that is not often the case. There are so many factors that impact a Mom’s confidence. Here are a few:

1. Children don’t come with directions. Moms learn as they go. Even if they have many children, each one is different. For many Moms there is the underlying worry that they are doing it wrong or ‘messing up’ their child.

2. Guilt is a constant companion for many Moms. If you have to work or choose to work you wonder how your it may be impacting your child.

3. The stress related to limited resources or parenting support can impact how well a Mom feels she is doing. How can you relax when there isn’t enough money for groceries or someone to stay home with your sick child?

4. Society can pressure Moms into feeling incompetent if they aren’t always happy, in control, patient, playful, a good cook, kind…..

5. Other Moms make it look so easy. Their child doesn’t throw a tantrum in the store. Their child didn’t get a note home from the teacher. Their child doesn’t talk back.

The bottom line is your child doesn’t come with instructions or a guarantee. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have to be your own cheerleader.

Enjoy the time you have with your child as best you can and celebrate the gift of being a Mother.
Happy Mother’s Day!

I know that goes against many divorcees feelings when they are heading towards divorce. Often couples are very adversarial and want to fight for everything they ‘deserve’. The problem with that is . . . → Read More: Have you ever heard of Collaborative Divorce?]]> While Collaborative Divorce isn’t new it is gaining steam. Collaborative Divorce is a way to divorce in a more cooperative, friendly manner.

I know that goes against many divorcees feelings when they are heading towards divorce. Often couples are very adversarial and want to fight for everything they ‘deserve’.
The problem with that is if children are involved they take the biggest hit.

Children are naturally loyal to their parents. So when there is tension and fighting the children don’t know who to side with and may become very anxious.

In Collaborative Divorce a team is assembled the is made up of a Lawyer for each partner, a Financial Planner, a Child Specialist and a Coach for each partner. The Lawyers work toward solutions that both partners can agree on. They are not their to instigate more litigation. The Financial Planner helps the family learn to use their money the best way possible to allow for two households rather than one. The Child Specialist represents the best interests of the child. This person is on the team to help everyone involved remain aware of the needs of the child. The Coaches help the partners stay on track and resist the urge to antagonize each other as well as offer emotional support.

The Collaborative team helps the divorcing couple find peaceful resolutions for the difficult decisions they must make to move the family forward positively through the process.

Often the process is less expensive and takes less time than a traditional litigated divorce.

I became involved in Collaborative Divorce to help families remember to put their children’s needs before their own. I have heard parents make very unhealthy, hurtful comments about their partner in front of their child. This just increases the child’s distress. Children don’t need to suffer unnecessarily. They need to be able to talk with both parents and be permitted to love each parent freely.

You can find more information on Collaborative Divorce at CDSOC.com

Some children have an easy time flowing with change. They can adjust pretty easily to a new situation or a change in schedule. So if they go to school one dayand their teacher is out sick and a substitute is in her place it is no big deal. However, there are . . . → Read More: Does your child transition easily?]]>

Some children have an easy time flowing with change. They can adjust pretty easily to a new situation or a change in schedule. So if they go to school one dayand their teacher is out sick and a substitute is in her place it is no big deal. However, there are children who are more sensitive to change. If they get to school and their teacher isn’t there, this child may get very upset. They may have a tantrum, become moody or have difficulty staying on task. These are the children who may have a tantrum when you tell them to stop playing without giving them any warning.

Children are faced with transitions all day long. They have to wake up and get ready for the day, stop playing, clean up, eat, get in the car, go so school, etc. Your child may face bigger transitions, parents going away on business, moving to a new house, losing a favorite pet.

If your child is sensitive to change there are ways you can help them handle the change

● Prepare them ahead of time (as much as possible)

● Give them a warning, so they know what to expect

● Praise their cooperation

If you don’t have time to prepare your child, as life can be unpredictable, you can still offer support

● Acknowledge that sometimes it’s hard to change

● Reflect their feelings back to them, letting them know you understand

● Stay and offer some extra comfort as they adjust to the new situation

● Give them some control by offering choices, if possible

By using these techniques you are letting your child know they are supported and helping them become more flexible.

Are you . . . → Read More: What do you let your children hear?]]> I have noticed that many times parents are not aware of what they are exposing their children to when it comes to adult topics.  A child’s development and maturity is very different from an adult’s.  Even if your child is very verbal and appears mature for their age, they are still children.

Are you aware of where your children are when you are talking about adult topics? Can they overhear you talking to a friend on the phone or in the other room? Do you have adult themed conversations right in front of your child? Do you directly share your adult concerns with your children?

It is not for your child to worry about the family finances. It is not your child’s business if you and your partner or friends are having a disagreement. It is not your child’s job to support you emotionally.

Exposing your child to adult size worries or concerns just causes your child to be anxious and confused. They often don’t have the maturity to handle the issues. They also don’t have any control over them. They can’t bring in more money or make their parents get along.

There needs to be a clear boundary between adult themed topics and children. If you are worried about your finances or job find another adult to share with, away from you child’s hearing. If you are having trouble with your partner, a friend or other family members handle it directly. Don’t share your thoughts and feelings with your child. If they sense tension you can acknowledge it while letting them know it’s your business not theirs.

The bottom line is your child just needs to know they are safe and cared for. The adults in their lives need to be aware of what they are exposing their children to.

Written by Emily Patterson on behalf of Primrose Schools. A family of over 230 schools across the nation that strive to provide the most prestigious day care and the highest quality education possible.

Even at a very young age, children can become caring, compassionate and productive members of their communities. . . . → Read More: Helpful Hints to Create Helpful Hands for the Holidays]]>

Written by Emily Patterson on behalf of Primrose Schools. A family of over 230 schools across the nation that strive to provide the most prestigious day care and the highest quality education possible.

Even at a very young age, children can become caring, compassionate and productive members of their communities. Volunteering and positively impacting the lives of others is a great way for young children to build character and self-esteem, as well as develop knowledge of the world outside their own homes and lives.

The holidays are a great time to get your children involved in a charity. During Thanksgiving and Christmas, volunteer positions are more varied and in demand, which makes it easier to find the perfect charity for your family. Also, it’s a perfect time to teach kids the importance of giving back to the community and bettering the lives of others. A few holiday-specific volunteer ideas are holiday food drives and dinners for the less fortunate, toy drives and visiting local hospitals or children’s shelters.

Parents can use the following guidelines to talk to their children about the importance of charity, then choose a volunteer program that best suits their individual personalities, goals and values.

1. Explain to your child the importance of charity work as a way to better your community and the lives of the less fortunate. Keep the conversation lighthearted, simple and to-the-point.

2. Sit down with your child and discuss ways to help your community. Make a list of charities in your area and discuss the virtues of each one. When deciding upon a particular volunteer position, don’t make your choice based on convenience alone; instead, choose one based on your goals and values as a family. Talk to your children to find out which charities interest them most, then decide accordingly.

3. Finding safe and age-appropriate volunteering positions is essential. While it’s important for children to know what’s going on in their communities, there’s no need to subject them to the more graphic and intense problems that plague today’s society. Toy drives and gift-wrapping are great options for kids, as are visiting local hospitals or group homes for children.

4. Find a family-friendly charity. Make sure the charities or organizations you have in mind have experience in working with children. Speak to regular employees to ensure that your child’s participation will be welcomed (or better yet, encouraged). Ask about specific duties and jobs that are available to children, and think about whether or not your child will be able to complete them safely and successfully.

This holiday season; get your family involved in a local charity. Once children begin to enjoy the many benefits of helping others in their communities, they will likely want to continue volunteering throughout the year. Aside from bettering lives and communities, the greatest benefit of volunteering is the compassion it instills in individuals of all ages. Compassion makes the world a better place, and it’s a virtue than cannot be taught at too early an age.

When they are really little it can be so easy to pick up that little toy at the store for them.  At the grocery store there are cute little toys . . . → Read More: Are you raising a greedy child?]]> You may not realize it but you may be raising a greedy child.  You may be over loving them!  Who ever heard of that?

When they are really little it can be so easy to pick up that little toy at the store for them.  At the grocery store there are cute little toys too.  Pretty soon every where you go seems to have something for your little one.  They look so happy when you give them the toy.  They may stop crying and fussing.  But it can get to the point where every time you go to the store your little one asks for something.  They start to cry because they want something.  You may find yourself dreading shopping with your children along.

Beware of the signs of a greedy child:

• Asking/crying for every toy they see on TV or at the store
• Bored with their toys too soon
• Wanting what their friends have
• Wanting presents even when it’s not their celebration
• Ripping through toys without looking at the card or at the toy for more than a second
• Asking, “is that all”‘ after opening their gifts
• Not satisfied or happy with what they received

A parent uses . . . → Read More: Using “WE” to coax your child]]> I hear it all the time. “WE are going to eat our lunch.” ” WE are going to get ready for bed.”  ”WE are going to sit in our chair.” What the parents mean is the child is expected to eat their lunch, get ready for bed, sit in their chair.

A parent uses these statements to soften the message, to coax the child into cooperating.   But what  the child hears is that maybe they should eat their lunch, maybe they should get ready for bed, maybe they should sit in their chair. Children are smart.  They see, ‘WE” for what it is, a half- hearted directive.

When you want your child to do something, be direct.  You can still use good manners and a kind tone.   A parent can say, “Please, eat your lunch”  ” It’s time to get ready for bed”, “Sit in your chair, please”.

Let your children know exactly what you want of them.   If ‘WE” are cleaning up the toys that means you both are, and that’s an okay choice too!